Adieu

This blog is officially closed. No particular reason. It started on a whim and it's ending on one. There might (or might not) be another one - of a different mood. Till then, goodbye!

Cheapness

" What is silly is big b saying he does not like the word Bollywood because it sounds like a cheap imitation of Hollywood and then acting in every cheap remake of an English movie from Man on Fire to Bruce Almighty. "

~ A commenter on Rediff.com

Haha!

Valerie

" I know there's no way I can convince you this is not one of their tricks, but I don't care. I am me. My name is Valerie. I don't think I'll live much longer, and I wanted to tell someone about my life. This is the only autobiography that I will ever write and God, I'm writing it on toilet paper. I was born in Nottingham in 1985. I don't remember much of those early years, but I do remember the rain. My grandmother owned a farm in Tottle Brook and she used to tell me that God was in the rain. I passed my 11 Plus and went to girls' grammar. It was at school that I met my first girlfriend. Her name was Sarah. It was her wrists. They were beautiful. I thought we would love each other forever. I remember our teacher telling us that it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew. Sarah did. I didn't.

In 2002, I fell in love with a girl named Christina. That year I came out to my parents. I couldn't have done it without Chris holding my hand. My father wouldn't look at me. He told me to go and never come back. My mother said nothing. But I'd only told them the truth. Was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free.

I'd always known what I wanted to do with my life and in 2015 I starred in my first film, The Salt Flats. It was the most important role of my life. Not because of my career, but because that was how I met Ruth. The first time we kissed I knew I never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again. We moved to a small flat in London together. She grew Scarlet Carsons for me in our window box and our place always smelt of roses. Those were the best years of my life. But America's war grew worse and worse and eventually it came to London. After that there were no roses anymore. Not for anyone. They took Ruth while she was out buying food. I've never cried so hard in my life. It wasn't long till they came for me. I remember how the meaning of words began to change. How unfamiliar words like "collateral" and "rendition" became frightening, while things like Norsefire and the Articles of Allegiance became powerful. I remember how "different" became dangerous.

I still don't understand it, why they hate us so much. It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must NEVER let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. Valerie. " ~ From V for Vendetta

I cry everytime I see or read this part. Everytime.

Justice?

I just opted out of an official 5-day off-site to Goa because I don't think I deserve to go.

Beat that.

Comeback

I can crib, wallow in self pity and give up.
Or I can change my attitude and fight.
The world is not fair and will never be. What are you gonna do about it?

Home

Falling into the trap of nostalgia is very easy but to actually feel that you have been transported back in time is a rare occurence...maybe its the weather in Delhi or the fact that I am reading the collector's edition of India Today (1975 to 1990) or just simply that I am home after what seems like a long time but for the past few days I feel like I am living in the Delhi of my childhood...it's fresh and raw...things are on the verge of change...the smell of the air is ancient...it's beautiful...

It's also very reassuring to come back home and find your room just the way you had left it... :)

:D

My boss's dog...now, how adorable is he!? I want a dog too :(

Fearless

Is freedom the absolute lack of fear?

Urge to splurge!

These days I have an immense urge to re-learn everything...academically, that is...just go back to school and get all my fundaes right...it really is a shame that there is so much that I have read and learnt in my classes but I just can't remember most of it...and I can only blame it on my bad memory and the teaching system to a certain extent...I think it was just the habit of taking things frivolously...and propensity to believe that ends are more important than the means...but now, whatever I read or see or learn just doesn't seem enough...there is so much to know! And I am sucking it up...! I also have an objective...a little far fetched and requiring a lot of dedication and hard work but isn't that what it all about anyways?

On a side note, I have decided not to save any money...at least not at the cost of not doing what I feel like...I'll only be 25 once and I love having a good time...so eating out, shopping, traveling, buying a zillion useless gadgets, splurging on my bro are top priority...

Vanity

My dentist gave me two choices - get caps on my teeth and be prepared to never bite properly again...or get the teeth filed and continue to look like I do now...it took me precisely two minutes to decide that i'd rather enjoy full use of my teeth than look normal...

I suppose I am not a vain person...but right now, I am a very sad person...I am no beauty queen...but the only thing I thought I had was a good smile...and now even that's gone forever...and with it goes the dream of one day getting a nice photo shoot done...just for the heck of it...just to lock the best of my youth in a beautiful fleeting moment before its too late...

Am I making too much of a big deal? Probably... Has the whole experience made me a better person? I don't know... Will I ever look at myself in the mirror again and think that maybe I am pretty? No...

On second thoughts, maybe I am vain...