Thursday, August 30, 2007

I walk into the sea

Dearest D,

I write to you with such mixed emotions. On one hand I want to acknowledge your importance in my life for the last 20 years and on the other I just want to apologize for the state you are in today. I know it probably wasn’t my fault but somehow it was my responsibility to ensure that you are cared for, after Dad gave you to me.

I distinctly remember the day Dad had got you home from the showroom. Mom and I were restlessly waiting on the terrace for you to arrive in our lives, though for entirely different reasons! Arrive you did and with such aplomb! Your beautiful shiny red exterior was only a fraction of what you would come to hold inside you, in the years to come. Countless arguments, my favourite songs, apprehensions about a new place, eagerness of a new adventure, ice cold silences and a lifetime full of laughter – everything I feel and I know, is still trapped inside you.

Everyone needs a witness to their lives – to remember what you forget and to remind where you came from. You have been a witness to my life and a companion too. No matter where we went, you came with us. You have seen me from the time I would lie down straight on the rear seat and sleep (which, well, I still can!), to the time when I learnt to drive you and now, when I can understand every pulse of you. They called you small, delicate and a pushover. But nobody saw the spirit and the nerves of steel that you possess. Through thick forests, dangerous turns, dense fog, miles and miles of heated road, merciless showers and hours of non-stop travel – you strode through everything without once letting us down. If there was any surety in the world, it was you.

I had been thinking of expressing my love for you for many days. I kept telling myself that I’d do it the day you turn 20 (on 27th Aug, to be precise). But as is human nature, it is only a tragedy that shakes you out of your stupor and hits you in the face. Maybe we deserve that too. So, today, when you have taken such a bad hit and somehow, still saved me from harm, I want to thank you for being there. I have never had a permanent home but you are the closest to that. You’ll probably recover from this but I know I can never replace Dad. And I don’t want to.

In the name of everything that is precious to us, I ask you to hang on for just a little while longer. No matter how many better cars come and go in our lives, you’ll always be me and my family’s favourite car in the world.

Love,
L.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Update 1

It's been a few months since I posted this...I think, just as a check on myself, it's time for an update!

1. Prepare my resume and eventually switch my job - Well, this is a funny story...I did manage to make my resume...and to my surprise, even got offered a new job! But after 'careful consideration' and many discussions with my very encouraging friends, decided to let it pass...so am continuing with my current job for the time being...and I am happy with that...

2. Learn basic French - This, in contrast, in a very tragic story...tried everywhere...something or the other keeps going wrong...things are just not falling into place...but no, I have not given up...starting today I am learning it on my own! I know it needs a lot of discipline and stuff...but cmon, at least I am trying!! Wish me luck.. :)

3. Join and regularly go to a gym - Joined 2 months back. Left 1 month back. Actually attended for 5 days. Not bad, eh? :D

4. Read at least 20 books - Yup, on target...

5. Get a stamp on my passport - :D :D Fingers are crossed...planning is on...this is the second time in my life that I am praying this hard for everything to end up just fine...the first time was that fateful term on campus...some of you know why...!

6. Enroll for one of these classes - dance/theater/photography - Nothing on this front...

7. Anything else - you know, surprise myself - Yeah, did try a couple of things...but things not going on track...but no issues, am still trying...something should work out sometime...

I suppose, it's not so bad...but still...have to ensure that this long list of WIP soon converts to finished tasks...

Friday, August 3, 2007

Nostalgia

Of a time when we travelled on a one way street
Between ghosts of adoloscence and a hungry greed

Of echoing laughter trapped in our hearts
And an alluring vision from a million stars

Of the days when sense was black and white
Visions that weren't blinded by a starlit night

Of the innocence shrouded in a mysterious smile
A sense of wonder and the wasted while

Of the heart which taught us how to let go
Reluctant to say yes and yet unwilling to say no

Of the moments locked in an isolated past
Like the love that left with a promise to last

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Trapped

Is it me or is it the bane of our generation?

Everyday you are running from one place to the other...a million voices in your head...building expectations, living upto them...chasing dreams and people and the idea of a perfect life...in this whole mad rush, no matter how hard we try, do we really get the time to just be...?

Sometimes, late at night, when I go to my terrace for a breath of fresh air...there is this moment of absolute stillness...the streets are empty, the world is sleeping, innumerable tasks are on hold...and the feeling is just so alien...the silence is so unfamiliar...its almost like I am in the company of a stranger...and I find myself yearning for noise again...

Have we become trapped in our own dreams?