Path

"Every writer is a narcissist. This does not mean that he is vain; it only means that he is hopelessly self-absorbed." - Leo Rosten

I am becoming more and more self absorbed...self-centered as someone would say...I know its not a crime...maybe not even a flaw...but its not the path I want to go on...the world does not revolve around me and that's pretty much how it'll always be...

Baffled

Seriously, what is going on?

We have a new Father of the Nation (and in fact a new Family of the Nation) - Amitabh Bachchan

Shilpa Shetty has won Big Brother and Rakhi Saawant did not win Big Boss :(

It is already turning hot in Delhi

People I have forgotten, get in touch but people I want talk to, ignore

My mother wants to go shopping - with me as the driver!

Apparently, it is possible to make a movie longer than K3G - Salaam-e-Ishq

Any exclusive news on any news channel, is breaking news

Indian cricket team actually has a lead over WI, at least till today

My brother has not sulked for the last 9 hours, a record of sorts

I have finally started using a moisturizer - yeah, whatever

I did not see even ONE movie this long weekend!

There is a new epidemic is town and in my friend circle - Shaadi

I have been dreaming of work - heights of crappiness

Reality shows are the new saas-bahu soaps

And the strangest - it just doesn't seem like a bloody Monday!

Run Rabbit Run...

Have you ever wondered why escapism is the preferred way of life for most of us? I think its fear - fear of knowing somethings that we believe might hurt us (which they usually do)...fear of confronting something that'll change the status quo...fear of seeing ourselves the way we are...

You spend your entire life believing something and then a day comes, when you realize or are made to realize that all this time, you were just living one big lie...and the only person who didn't know that was you...

A realization hit me today and it hurts like hell...I don't even know if I have the courage to accept it and deal with it...but its staring at me in the eye...

They say - I respond...I give a vibe...I have this thing about me...Has this been my attempt to play out my childhood fantasies? Am I an attention seeker in denial? Is this how I make friends?

Why is it that the world always throws these questions at you and gives no answers?

Point

Dear God,

I get it...I do, really...swear on - my favourite pair of socks, the dog I don't have, my love for Christian Bale, the car I have wanted for the last 20 years, everything - I get it...life is unfair- I have accepted that...and am trying my best to make peace with the fact...but you know, you don't have to keep reiterating that point!! Please, don't try to pull off a Satan!

I understand that its your intention that all interesting and attractive men also be unavailable...I mean unavailable to the common junta like me...and since like me, you also want these men to be happy, you'll ensure that their wives/girlfriends are not only hot but also successful and brainy! And not only will these guys be totally in love their spouses but also proudly display their pictures on their laptop (which incidentally is very tacky)! I mean, isn't it bad enough that they are married, what's the deal with being happily married!!

Anyhow, what else can I say? As always, You have left me speechless and bitter...great job! Seriously, You have a wicked, wicked sense of humour...sitting up there meddling into billions of lives and then laughing at the way we try to overcome things...these tiny little squirmy pests...I am not saying You have the best job in the world, but yeah, You definitely have turned a lousy job into a very entertaining one!

So, all said and done, I am just requesting You to give me a break! Just for a little while...I know things can't be fair but at least give me enough reason to imagine what if they could be...

Yours hopelessly,
Someone

Details

Details. The god damn details. Who so ever said that we should look at the bigger picture must have been a fool. I mean, over the years if there is one thing that I have been denying - it is that details are very important in the larger scheme of things...But I guess, it is high time I accepted it and changed a few things in my life...Be it a project you are doing, something you have to cook, a pair of jeans that you buy, brief you give to an agency, anything...and maybe most importantly, the attention that we pay to details of learning an art...there is practically no way you can learn something new without knowing each and every intricacy of that craft...

Ever since I can remember, I have been a practitioner of cursory glances...I have always been an 'essence' person...be it the elaborate environment-describing part of a novel, the reading comprehension passages in exams (which is quite good actually!), driving a car...as long as I reach my destination safe and sound, its fine...but the finesse that comes with acquiring a skill, naah...I think I just totally missed the point there...

Different people have called it different things...no motivation, laziness, temperament, heredity (which might not possible, as both my parents are suckers for details), restlessness, an urge to get somewhere too soon, shirking of responsibility, lack of commitment etc etc...maybe its a combination of all these things...whatever it is - I think its harming me now...in a way, the effects are showing in the bigger picture...

They say that the first step to solving a 'problem' is to accept it...does this confession amount to acceptance? Is acceptance a sure sign of change? Will the change be for the better? Or will this change, like everything else, still be just as far from that illusionary balance that we are all trying to achieve??

Ha Ha!

I board the metro - a perfect symbol of urban monotony.

Find myself a seat - a rarity at 7.30 in the evening.

Get a call - predictably expected.

What are you doing? - I don't get the question.

I am in the metro - what else?

No, what are you doing? - I get the question this time.

I am in the metro - simple.

An old man gets on the train - right in front of me.

No one offers his/her seat - very predictably.

I get up but he refuses to take my seat - he is more mannered than me.

I cut the phone - send a message explaining my inability to argue in a metro.

Old man is very appreciative of me - finally someone has given him a seat.

No response - how did i get so lucky?

I ask myself - at what point do we start being apologetic about our thoughts?

Old man tells me - If you have sincere thinking and thoughts, you'll never be let down.

Oh, irony was mocking me.

Qs and No As

Is there an end?
Is there a place called peace?
Is there any way out?
Why is it that we change but things don't?
Who decides what we deserve?
Is injustice a way of life?
Why are the nicest people the unhappiest?
Can we really make a difference?
When do we really know?
How much is enough?

Incoherence

I know its a little too soon, but I seem to be suffering from the proverbial "writer's block"...I have many half baked thoughts on paper and in my head, but nothing is making any sense! Coherence is an alien concept right now....Its further compounded by the fact that work suddenly seems to have found its way to me...yeah, I am actually busy...I hope the trend doesn't continue for too long...I mean, I do have pages to write before I sleep! Sorry, that was a bad one!

My favourite lines from the movie American Psycho [also because the way CB looks and delivers his lines in this scene ;) ] :

There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable...I simply am not there.

And in case you are wondering, according to me, anyone who writes is a "writer"! :D

Reverse

Here's a thought:

What if we could live our lives in reverse? From death to birth...from old to young...What if instead of doing things, we could undo them? Will life be any better or will we screw up then as well?

Exhilaration!

This was probably one of the most productive, exhaustive and fun weekend for me in a long time! I went to a friend's place for her birthday party, danced for hours at the city's best night club, watched a great movie (The Prestige), did bungee jumping (yes!!)...but the best part was having the car entirely to myself these 2 days!! Life doesn't get better than this!

First about the bungee jumping...oh yeah, it actually is as good as they say it is!! And super scary! Even now, after having done it once, I am sure I'd still be just as scared and jittery on that jumping board up there! Of course, being all daring and adventurous, I chose to go face down :D! Just seeing the ground close in on you and that feeling of sheer helplessness at that moment is so heady that for a moment you know you are alive...its funny how the possibilty or simulation of near-death makes you feel more alive than life itself...I was told later that the actual free fall would not have been more than one second...I found it very strange because when I was jumping, it seemed much much longer than that!

The nightclub, of course was Elevate...it was good...DJ Suketu was the guest DJ...I'd rate him 6 on 10...he could have done better...the crowd was the usual a-little-too-(un)dressed for the occassion kinda crowd...with many PYTs and many wannabe dudes...well, yeah for once I actually did see some nice looking guys...nice and intelligent looking guys! But then they were more than just accompanied by the aforementioned PYTs, if you know what I mean! I guess, the bumping-into-the-man-of-your-dreams-in-a-hip-disco thing happens only in movies and/or Sex and the City! :(

And as far as The Prestige is concerned - I don't wanna say much, since many people have done a better job of praising the movie...I'll just say that I am ashamed to call myself a movie buff now, considering I hadn't even heard of Christain Bale till like two weeks back..last week I downloaded and watched American Psycho...great movie, great role and wow, what a bloody (pun intended!) good performance! But that was not a role that you can really love, you know...but after The Prestige and many reel/real life clippings of him on youtube, I must admit that I am completely charmed!! Am I watching closely? Yes, Mr. Bale, I am totally watching you closely! ;)

Finally - this is officially my 25th post and I am glad its a happy one! But i'll celebrate when I do the 100th...

Blue Dream

Have you ever been on different sides of similar conflicts? Its a funny situation to be in - when you know you are right in one and you won't accept a folly in the other...what does that say about me as a person? That for me convenience is paramount? That I am shallow? That I am a hypocrite? Maybe...I don't know...maybe I just don't know myself as much I think I do...

I have been accused of many things - being an escapist, being dull, being a liar but till yesterday I had never been accused of being phony...I wonder what's next...of course, the impending apology followed but...

Basically, its one of those phases when everything is so messed up and tragic, that its comical...awkward situations are a passé...unfair accusations are routine...

I had never thought it was possible - but I actually look forward to going home now...I call my mother 3 times a day from office, simply because I miss her...I go home and just randomly hug my parents...I know, parents are synonymous with reassurance...but this is more than that...I love them and this is maybe my only chance to make up for everything...

I am floating in a blue dream...Cold wind and muted screams...

Reclamation

Sometimes you have to choose between yourself and a legacy...I have chosen me...In many ways, I have reclaimed myself...and I know it was never going to be easy...but I am not going to be apologetic about who I am...not anymore...