Torn

There are always these situations around you where someone is having difficulty moving on...or when they should just give up at a sensible point and let go...in such situations isn't it always easy being an outsider? I know that there are moments of helplessness but overall, I think its good position to be in...you can be totally 'objective'...give your take on things...recount and quote similar experiences in your life for reference...basically, just be a rather insensitive, rational, willful bitch...and I have done that so many times...in fact, after 'it was so funny', 'just let go' is probably my most used phrase...and it has been used with a somewhat disdainful attitude on most occasions...

But right now, unfortunately, I am an insider...that person who knows that she should give up but is still hell bent on pursuing what is clearly a hopeless dream...and a risky one too...rationality and ego have somehow taken a back seat...my obstinate self is ruling my objective self...I am torn...and the fact that time is running out is only making it worse...everyday is a chance of happiness passing by...

Where do I find the outsider in me?

Games

When I was a little girl, my dad had a book named "games people play" in his library...I always presumed that the book was about sports...you know, like cricket and chess and all that...when I myself started reading a bit, I always ignored that book...who wants to read about sports really!? It was much later that I came to know that the "games" being talked about were very different...and much more complicated...they had the usual ingredients like moves, counter moves, strategies and even results...but it all happened in this obscure world of relationships and interplay...and the magnanimity and significance of these interplays has never hit me harder than now...

There are many people who qualify as friends...people whom you hang out with, go for movies with, party with, share some of your intimate secrets with...there are friends whom you like but never really understand...or worse, friends whom you choose not to understand because of the fear that you might end up disliking them...and there is always this trust and this understanding that neither would do anything to mess up this fragile equation...but it's always a temptation...there is a childlike curiosity to fiddle with that equation a bit and see what happens...and most of us, at some point in our lives, fall prey to that urge...

Somehow the adage that people change with time doesn't make much sense to me anymore...do we change or do we consciously and openly start playing games? There are many things in my life that are not the same any more...and if I think of it, nothing has comes as a big surprise...there is no revelation or clarity...only sadness that in some cases, the equation has been interfered with...no one has changed but the relationships have...

Clueless

Every time I get down to writing a new post, I tell myself that it'll not be my usual confused/depressed/brooding not-so-straightforward post...but it never happens...my resolve just ends up being as firm as a new year's resolution...I have tried many ways to alter this tendency (not because of anything else but the fact that it is predictable and a tad boring after a point)...I tried humour...and rudeness...being emotional...I even tried a 'random musings from my life' kinda post...but I couldn't...whatever little I wrote looked like a miserable half hearted attempt at best...so basically, right now I am in a fix...I can continue expressing the way I know (which I don't want to) or somehow find a way to reinvent myself (which I am clueless about)...!

Ideas?

Hmmm...

Tricky one...

Ambiguity

Ambiguity is a very funny thing...it teases you all the time...it is that thing that adds that extra zing to your life sometimes...and sometimes leaves the most painful residuals behind...are we supposed to revel in it and glorify it or just fight hard against it...or just give up and let it rule our life? What are we supposed to do when we are faced with options that all let us down one way or the other? All your life, you believe in something and love it passionately and cherish it...you let yourself be spoiled...and then one day...it shows its ugly face and you let go...and then you search and search for the same feeling in different places...only to never find it again...only to come back...and lose again...and you realize that you might have let go of the thing...but you never let go of the dream...and now, it will only remain that...a dream...

You Know

You know you need a change when you start loving traffic as it delays reaching home.

You know you should get a new car when you can bake a cake in the present one.

You know your life has become a joke when you don't even feel like cribbing.

You know you need new friends when the only thing you say to the present ones is - 'Can I call you back?'

You know you are a fool when you know you shouldn't but you still do.

You know you are stubborn when you know you should but you still don't.

You know you are getting old when the only colour you shop for is off-white.

You know its Monday when you are busy the entire day only making plans for the week.

You know you are bored when Sunday lunch at home is the most exciting event of the week.

You know you need to change your reference point when 2 liters of water fulfills your nutrition quota for the day.

You know you have nothing new to say when you start writing posts like this.

Ghalib

In poetry, the ghazal is a form consisting of couplets which share a rhyme and a refrain. The word means "the mortal cry of a musk deer". It is believed that very rarely a musk deer will develop a Kasturi in her stomach. The Kasturi is supposed to be a very seductive and appealingly fragrant matter. Unfortunately, to access the Kasturi, the deer has to be killed and the Kasturi extracted from its stomach. The plaintive, mournful cry that the deer makes upon being mortally wounded is what the ghazal tries to capture.

A ghazal traditionally follows some rules like:

Matla - A matla is the first couplet or sher of a ghazal.

Maqta - A maqta is the last couplet or sher of a ghazal in which the poet uses his takhallus (pen name) in various different and interesting ways.

Beher - In simple terms, it is the length of a couplet. Ideally, both the lines of a couplet and all the couplets should have the same length.

Radif - When the last word of every second line is the same, it is a radif.

Qaafiyaa - The qaafiyaa is the rhyming pattern of words that must directly precede the ghazal's radif.

Exceptions:

- Ghazal is just a form. It is independent of any language
- Some ghazals do not have any radif
- Although, every sher, should be an independent poem in itself, it is possible, that all the shers are on the same theme
- In modern Urdu poetry, there are lots of ghazals which do not follow the restriction of same beher on both the lines of sher
- The restriction of maqta is really very loose. Many many ghazals do not have any maqta

Also, the ghazal not only has a specific form, but traditionally deals with just one subject: Love. And not any kind of love, but specifically, an illicit, and unattainable love. The ghazal is always written from the point of view of the lover who is unable to attain his beloved, because either the beloved is just playing with the poet's feelings, or because the societal circumstances do not allow it. Most ghazals can be viewed in a spiritual context, with the beloved being a metaphor for God, or the poet's spiritual master.

In this context, you'll probably appreciate the following even more! Long live Mirza Ghalib...and I would also recommend the soundtrack of the Mirza Ghalib tele-series comprising the deadly combination of Naseeruddin Shah, Jagjit Singh and yes, Gulzar. :)

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har ek baat pe kehte ho tum ke 'tu kya hai' ?
tumheen kaho ke yeh andaaz-e-guftgoo(conversation,speech) kya hai ?

na shole (blaze) mein yeh karishma na barq (lightening) mein yeh ada
koi batao ki woh shokh (coquettish)-e-tundkhoo (acrimony) kya hai ?

yeh rashk(jealousy) hai ki wo hota hai ham-sukhan(to agree) tumse
wagarna khauf-e-bad-aamozi(education)-e-adoo(enemy) kya hai ?

ragoan mein daudte firne ke ham naheen qaayal(fan,fond of)
jab aankh hi se na tapka to phir lahoo kya hai ?

chipak raha hai badan par lahoo se pairaahan (clothes, robe)
hamaaree jeb ko ab haajat(necessity)-e-rafoo(stitches) kya hai ?

jalaa hai jism jahaan dil bhi jal gaya hoga
kuredate ho jo ab raakh, justjoo (desire,inquiry) kya hai ?

woh cheez jiske liye hamko ho bahisht(heaven) azeez
siwaay baada(wine)-e-gul_faam(delicate like flowers)-e-mushkaboo(like the smell of musk) kya hai ?

piyoon sharaab agar khum(wine barrel) bhee dekh loon do chaar
yeh sheesha-o-qadah(goblet)-o-kooza(wine pitcher)-o-suboo(wine pitcher) kya hai ?

rahi na taaqat-e-guftaar (conversation, speech), aur agar ho bhi
to kis ummeed pe kahiye ke aarzoo kya hai ?

huaa hai shaah ka musaahib(associate), fire hai itaraata
wagarna shehar mein ‘Ghalib’ kee aabroo kya hai ?

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aah ko chaahiye ik umr asar hone tak
kaun jiitaa hai terii zulf ke sar hone tak

daam(net/trap) har mauj mein hai halqaa(ring)-e-sad_kaam-e-nahang (crocodile with a hundred jaws)
dekhein kyaa guzare hai qatare(drop) pe gauhar(pearl) hone tak

aashiqii sabr-talab(patient) aur tamannaa betaab
dil kaa kyaa rang karuun khuun-e-jigar hone tak

ham ne maanaa ke tagaaful(ignore) na karoge lekin
khaak ho jaayenge ham tum ko khabar hone tak

partav-e-khuur(sun’s rays) se hai shabanam(dew) ko fanaa(perish) kii taaliim
main bhii huun ek inaayat(favour) kii nazar hone tak

yak(one)_nazar besh(excess) nahiin fursat-e-hastii(duration of life) gaafil(ignorant)
garmii-e-bazm(gathering) hai ik raqs(dance)-e-sharar(fire) hone tak

gam-e-hastii(sorrows of life) kaa ‘asad’(Lion,Ghalib's original pen name) kis se ho juz(other than) marg(death) ilaaj
shammaa har rang mein jalatii hai sahar hone tak

With a little help from Wikipedia.

Sense

" Love is all a matter of timing...It's no good meeting the right person too soon or too late....If I'd live in another time or place...my story might have had a very different ending."

- 2046

Turning Point?

It was really difficult to pick a few pictures from about a 100 (!) that I clicked on a recent trip to a small village in Uttarakhand...but here they are...

In a local taxi...accompanied by loud music in the form of bhajans composed (or imposed?) on Himesh Reshamiya numbers!

Travel heals, they say...if this picture is anything to go by, it's not so hard to believe that...right?

There is something about ruins and new constructions...anything complete is not half as pretty...maybe it's the sense and anticipation of possibilities?

Dawn...

Dusk...