Momentary Lapses of Reason

Reasoning and I have always had a tumultuous relationship...for all my talk of thinking it through and being cautious, I am still, basically, an impulsive think-from-the-heart kind of a girl...which has worked for me in the past but has also left a series of embarrassing memories that I would rather completely undo!

It's no big secret that I have very low self esteem...it's a battle that I have been fighting for a long time now...so long that I have even forgotten when it all started...was it those terrible moments of loneliness at school that I was forced to endure? Or the realization that there are some things that even the innocent pleas of a child can not change? I don't know...maybe it doesn't even matter now...all I know is that there are things that I am doing these days that's turning this self doubt to self loathing...and I just can't draw the line...the strange part is that it must be happening at some deep rooted sub-conscious level because I feel nothing...even about things that I know I should feel something about...

Where is this life taking me?

P.S. Am thinking of closing this blog and maybe start a new one...I am just not the same person who started this blog...